Indian 2 - Arp Comics

Aunty won't stop staring at desis she's never seen before

No one in family knows if Auntie-ji is related to them or not

KOLKATA, INDIA – The Amritraj family reports that no one knows if Auntie-ji is related to them or not. She has been at all family gatherings for the last 43 years and is considered a part of the family. It is unclear which side of the family she is from or if she is an actual relative or not. “The whole family has come together for my cousin-brother’s wedding,” said Akaash Amritraj, 43, who flew in with his family from Detroit. “And my eldest asked who Auntie-ji was. I’d never thought about it before – Auntie-ji has always been here. She comes … Continue reading

Study confirms: Desis abroad with Western names have it much easier

NEW DELHI, India – New research has revealed that desis abroad with Western names have it much, much easier. The joint research project was performed globally by the Institute of Social Sciences (India), the Economic and Social Research Council (UK) and the Social Science Research Council (USA). The study is titled Do Desis with Western Names Have It Easier Or What? “This research was deep and thorough,” said lead researcher Sankar Sen. “It confirmed what many of us had suspected: desis living abroad with Western names have it much, much easier than those with more traditional names. There was also a correlation that the longer the … Continue reading

Child loves playing outside, family worried she’ll get too dark from the sun

ASHEVILLE, NC – Manisha Kapoor, 9, loves playing outside but her family is concerned that she’ll get too dark from playing in the sun. Every time she comes inside after playing, her mother or father reminds her that she’ll get too dark. “I love playing outside,” said Ms. Kapoor, a 4th grader at Vance Elementary. “I play soccer with my friends and climb trees and go exploring. But whenever I go back home, someone has to mention how I’m going get ‘too dark’. It’s weird because my other friends are usually trying to get tans.” “Manisha is young and doesn’t … Continue reading

India reconsiders #pornban, proposes blinding all citizens

NEW DELHI, India – As the one year anniversary of India’s failed pornban approaches, the government is again considering how to keep pornography from becoming a public nuisance. The latest proposal in this effort is to blind all Indian citizens with a hot poker. Says Subramanian Swamy (BJP), “Pornography turns people into sex maniacs. These people will do anything to have sex and neither our women nor our cows will be safe. So last week I was watching Raiders of the Lost Ark and the bar scene in Nepal came on. And I wondered Is he going to poke her eyes out? Then … Continue reading

Favorite grandson returns to India after 12 years, family wishes he had been a little bit taller

KOLKATA, India – Sonu Mitra, 22, visited India for the first time in 12 years this week. While his family is happy he turned out fair skinned, they wish he was a little bit taller. Mr. Mitra traveled to Kolkata, India after spending a post-graduate summer in the Poconos. Earlier in the year he had graduated from Northwestern with a useless BA in Economics. Free from the burdens of compulsory education he felt it was time to re-connect with his family. Said Mr. Mitra,”I’d been in school for 16 years straight. And it was all required, including college because I would have been … Continue reading

Woman shocks parents, doesn't want wedding with at least 500 guests

Indian teen has no good answer for why she only got 95% on her math test

SANTA FE, New Mexico – Asha Pillai, 14, was unable to provide a suitable answer as to why she only got 95% on Friday’s math test. Her parents, Mohan and Lakshmi, demand to know where the other 5% went. Ms. Pillai, a freshman at Academy for Tech and Class, took a Geometry test last Friday for which she’d had a week to prepare. She thought that she had aced it but when she got the test back it she learned that she had only scored 95. “I made a couple of small mistakes,” said Ms. Pillai. “I guess I rushed … Continue reading

Child, 7, sets heart on marrying someone with at least 4 arms

AUSTIN, Texas – Kiran Malhotra, 7, has decided to marry someone with at least 4 arms when they grow up. This decision was made after much deliberation last week. Kiran, a student at Clearview Sudbury School, was at Zilker Park with friends and family. After climbing some rocks and battling with Nerf guns, Kiran decided to relax at Barton Creek and make important decisions for the future. Decision #1 was going to Disney World after the new Star Wars park opens. Decision #2 was going to veterinary school to become a veterinarian (even though Ramesh Uncle seems to think becoming a human doctor instead of … Continue reading

Indian-American child smells cabbage soup for the first time, almost vomits

BRIDGEPORT, CT – Abhimanyu Dutta, 10, is disgusted by the smell of cabbage soup. He learned this fact about himself when sent over to his next door neighbor’s house to borrow a cup of sugar. Late yesterday afternoon Nirupa Dutta, Abhimanyu’s mother, was in her 6th hour in the kitchen. She was about to start making a tomato chutney when she realized that they were out of sugar. She called out to Abhimanyu to run over to their neighbor’s and ask for a cup of sugar. Said Abhimanyu, “I was in my room drawing Batman when I heard my mom yell … Continue reading

Parents of newborn under immense pressure to decide if child will be a doctor, lawyer or MBA

CHICAGO, IL – Lily and Rahul Ghosh are under assault by everyone in the Indian community to decide whether their newborn child will become a doctor, a lawyer or acquire an MBA. Mrs. Ghosh gave birth to their daughter Sonia last week and the pressure has been building daily. “It’s been a very hard week,” said Mrs. Ghosh, a lawyer. “I’ve barely gotten any sleep. Little Sonia is fantastic, she actually sleeps in 4 hour blocks and nurses like a champ. But every time I try to rest I get a text or call from someone asking if we’ve decided … Continue reading

Supreme Court rules Bobby Jindal not a Person of Indian Origin; Jindal agrees

Supreme Court rules Bobby Jindal not a Person of Indian Origin; Jindal sues to be designated ‘White’

NEW DELHI, India – The Supreme Court of India has ruled that Bobby Jindal is not and may not be referred to as a Person of Indian Origin (PIO). Mr. Jindal, a former Indian-American, filed a lawsuit in response. The origins of the case lie in a political controversy that erupted in 2015. A portrait of Mr. Jindal with fair colored skin was shared on the social network Twitter. This resulted in both internet memes and a vehement discussion on race & identity. The painting is not Mr. Jindal’s official portrait. It was painted by local artist Tommy Yow, Jr. … Continue reading