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Forty-something always pretends he's Amitabh when riding a bicycle

Forty-something always pretends he’s Amitabh when riding a bicycle

Tampa, FL – Amar Bhalla is an avid bicyclist who pretends he’s Amitabh from an old Bollywood movie whenever he’s riding his bike. Unitl now, his wife was unaware and wondered why he cycled so erratically. “Man, I loved Amitabh when I was a kid,” said Mr. Bhalla. “My parents took me to see Sholay in the theater when I was 3. I’ve seen every movie of his and watched the good ones over & over again. And ever since I could ride a bike, I’ve pretended that I’m Amitabh in Muqaddar Ka Sikkandar – you know, Rote Hue and all that. … Continue reading

Office bigot refuses to admit that Indian food smells good

Office bigot refuses to admit that Indian food smells good

BATON ROUGE, LA – Employees at a local company are convinced that their office bigot likes the smell of Indian food but refuses to acknowledge the fact. Efforts to be kind to him and offer him some to try have failed. “Our office manager, Amos Bundy, is an interesting guy,” said Devendra Nagheenanajar, lead developer at local software firm Imminent Technologies. “He’s been with the company for nearly 20 years. He started in the mailroom and worked his way up to office manager. He’s seen the company grow and change. When I started, I was the first Indian – and first non-white – developer. Now the … Continue reading

Father plans to 'Indianize' Fourth of July hot dogs again

Father plans to ‘Indianize’ Fourth of July hot dogs again

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Local dad Arun Ramagopal is again planning to try to make hot dogs into an Indian flavored food. He tried this last year but his family has stated that his efforts fell flat. They expect the same to occur this year but are supporting him nonetheless. “We’re Indian and we love bold, audacious flavors,” said Mr. Ramagopal, an engineer at Initech. “Now the American hot dog is nice but it has room for improvement. Last year I tried basting them with a buttered garam masala mix and it wasn’t too bad. This year, I’m making an Indian chili … Continue reading

Aunty won't stop staring at desis she's never seen before

Aunty won’t stop staring at desis she’s never seen before

PORTLAND, OR – Reports are coming in that Sabita Natwarlal, 56, is staring at desis she’s never seen before. This has happened at least 3 times today and may occur every single time she leaves the house. We spoke to the latest victim, Mahesh Dastidar: “I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, when a car drove by. I happened to look over and there was an aunty in the back seat. She just stared at me until the car was out of sight. I guess I kinda stared back because I was trying to figure out … Continue reading

Local man finally snaps after being asked if he 'speaks Indian' for the zillionth time

Local man finally snaps after being asked if he ‘speaks Indian’ for the zillionth time

KALAMAZOO, MI – Abhijeet Guruwala, 36, finally lost it after some ignoramus asked him if he ‘spoke Indian.’ The incident occurred in popular local bookstore Kazoo Books when Mr. Guruwala was looking for a gift for his mother. “My mom’s birthday is this weekend,” explained Mr. Guruwala. “She and my dad obsessed with India. All the decorations in the house are from India, the whole nine yards. My dad even installed a squattable seat on the toilet, that’s how Indian they are. And my mom loves coffee table books about India since they’re perfect for thrusting in the hands of guests … Continue reading

Woman shocks parents, doesn't want wedding with at least 500 guests

Woman shocks parents, doesn’t want wedding with at least 500 guests

TAMPA, FL – Indira Malhotra, 28, has shocked her parents by stating that she would like a small, intimate wedding with maybe 100 guests. Her parents are unsure whether she is being serious or not. “So we’re together with family having dinner and my uncle starts bugging me – again – about when I’m getting married,” said Ms. Malhotra. “That starts my mom going on about what a lovely wedding it’s going to be, how they’re going to dress me up, blah blah. I just nodded and smiled, hoping they’d start talking about someone else’s wedding and get distracted. But … Continue reading

Man gets married, gives up trying to do anything about his ear hair

Man gets married, gives up trying to do anything about his ear hair

HARTFORD, CT – Neelkanth Basu, 31, has given up trying to do anything about his ear hair. He married recently and feels that he can finally stop living the lie that he has no hair on his ears. “Honestly, I was just getting obsessed with it,” said Mr. Basu, an engineer at Honeywell. “These hairs never stop growing and new ones are sprouting weekly. It’s almost a full-time job, trying to keep my ears hair-free.” “When I was a teen, there was not a single hair on my ears,” continued Mr. Basu. “Then one day when I was 24, I … Continue reading

Indian Standard Time now an officially recognized time zone

Indian Standard Time now an officially recognized time zone

GREENWICH, UK – The International Astronomical Union (IAU) has announced that Indian Standard Time is now an officially recognized time zone. INDIAN Standard Time is not the same as INDIA Standard Time (UTC + 5:30), which is the official time zone that covers all of India. “This is truly an historic moment,” said Dr. Silvia Torres-Peimbert, president of the IAU. “Until now, the world had 24 time zones – one for each hour in the day. We have always rigorously measured and observed a number of factors to maintain the integrity of the system. But in the past 40 years, small anomalies had crept into our data – and … Continue reading

Mother twists son's ear right off, sister amazed it didn't happen sooner

Mother twists son’s ear right off, sister amazed it didn’t happen sooner

PORTLAND, ME – Asha Gonsalves, 36, has twisted off her son’s ear while berating him for making poor choices. Her daughter Amy is amazed that it didn’t happen sooner. The incident occurred in the Gonsalves household at 6:47pm Thursday night. Her son, Anthony, had gone to the mall with his friends and gotten a haircut in preparation for the school dance on Friday. The haircut did not sit well with Mrs. Gonsalves. “His hair was horrible,” said Mrs. Gonsalves. “It was short on the sides and long only in the front. It was pointing up here and there. He looked like a loafer! So … Continue reading

Local man finally snaps after being asked if he 'speaks Indian' for the zillionth time

Man tired of explaining ‘love marriage’ to people, being presumed apologist for arranged marriage

BERKELEY, CA – Vijay Agrawal, 19, is tired of explaining what a love marriage is to everyone who assumes his parents had an arranged marriage. While no one bugged him about it in high school, non-desis at university start discussing the topic to pontificate about how terrible arranged marriage is. “It was so much easier in high school when no one bugged me about it,” said Mr. Agrawal, a freshman at UC Berkeley. “Most of my classmates weren’t even aware that arranged marriages still exist. It was only brought up a couple of times during some late night bonding. Someone asked how my parents … Continue reading