Arp Comics

Mother twists son’s ear right off, sister amazed it didn’t happen sooner

November 28, 2022June 17, 2016

PORTLAND, ME – Asha Gonsalves, 36, has twisted off her son’s ear while berating him for making poor choices. Her daughter Amy is amazed that it didn’t happen sooner. The incident occurred in the Gonsalves household at 6:47pm Thursday night. Her son, Anthony, had gone to the mall with his friends and gotten a haircut in preparation for the school dance on Friday. The haircut did not sit well with Mrs. Gonsalves. “His hair was horrible,” said Mrs. Gonsalves. “It was short on the sides and long only in the front. It was pointing up here and there. He looked like a loafer! So … Continue reading

Local man finally snaps after being asked if he 'speaks Indian' for the zillionth time

Man tired of explaining ‘love marriage’ to people, being presumed apologist for arranged marriage

November 28, 2022June 16, 2016

BERKELEY, CA – Vijay Agrawal, 19, is tired of explaining what a love marriage is to everyone who assumes his parents had an arranged marriage. While no one bugged him about it in high school, non-desis at university start discussing the topic to pontificate about how terrible arranged marriage is. “It was so much easier in high school when no one bugged me about it,” said Mr. Agrawal, a freshman at UC Berkeley. “Most of my classmates weren’t even aware that arranged marriages still exist. It was only brought up a couple of times during some late night bonding. Someone asked how my parents … Continue reading

Aunty won't stop staring at desis she's never seen before

No one in family knows if Auntie-ji is related to them or not

November 28, 2022June 15, 2016

KOLKATA, INDIA – The Amritraj family reports that no one knows if Auntie-ji is related to them or not. She has been at all family gatherings for the last 43 years and is considered a part of the family. It is unclear which side of the family she is from or if she is an actual relative or not. “The whole family has come together for my cousin-brother’s wedding,” said Akaash Amritraj, 43, who flew in with his family from Detroit. “And my eldest asked who Auntie-ji was. I’d never thought about it before – Auntie-ji has always been here. She comes … Continue reading

Study confirms: Desis abroad with Western names have it much easier

November 28, 2022June 12, 2016

NEW DELHI, India – New research has revealed that desis abroad with Western names have it much, much easier. The joint research project was performed globally by the Institute of Social Sciences (India), the Economic and Social Research Council (UK) and the Social Science Research Council (USA). The study is titled Do Desis with Western Names Have It Easier Or What? “This research was deep and thorough,” said lead researcher Sankar Sen. “It confirmed what many of us had suspected: desis living abroad with Western names have it much, much easier than those with more traditional names. There was also a correlation that the longer the … Continue reading

Child loves playing outside, family worried she’ll get too dark from the sun

November 28, 2022June 6, 2016

ASHEVILLE, NC – Manisha Kapoor, 9, loves playing outside but her family is concerned that she’ll get too dark from playing in the sun. Every time she comes inside after playing, her mother or father reminds her that she’ll get too dark. “I love playing outside,” said Ms. Kapoor, a 4th grader at Vance Elementary. “I play soccer with my friends and climb trees and go exploring. But whenever I go back home, someone has to mention how I’m going get ‘too dark’. It’s weird because my other friends are usually trying to get tans.” “Manisha is young and doesn’t … Continue reading

India reconsiders #pornban, proposes blinding all citizens

November 28, 2022June 5, 2016

NEW DELHI, India – As the one year anniversary of India’s failed pornban approaches, the government is again considering how to keep pornography from becoming a public nuisance. The latest proposal in this effort is to blind all Indian citizens with a hot poker. Says Subramanian Swamy (BJP), “Pornography turns people into sex maniacs. These people will do anything to have sex and neither our women nor our cows will be safe. So last week I was watching Raiders of the Lost Ark and the bar scene in Nepal came on. And I wondered Is he going to poke her eyes out? Then … Continue reading

Favorite grandson returns to India after 12 years, family wishes he had been a little bit taller

November 28, 2022June 1, 2016

KOLKATA, India – Sonu Mitra, 22, visited India for the first time in 12 years this week. While his family is happy he turned out fair skinned, they wish he was a little bit taller. Mr. Mitra traveled to Kolkata, India after spending a post-graduate summer in the Poconos. Earlier in the year he had graduated from Northwestern with a useless BA in Economics. Free from the burdens of compulsory education he felt it was time to re-connect with his family. Said Mr. Mitra,”I’d been in school for 16 years straight. And it was all required, including college because I would have been … Continue reading

Woman shocks parents, doesn't want wedding with at least 500 guests

Indian teen has no good answer for why she only got 95% on her math test

November 28, 2022May 31, 2016

SANTA FE, New Mexico – Asha Pillai, 14, was unable to provide a suitable answer as to why she only got 95% on Friday’s math test. Her parents, Mohan and Lakshmi, demand to know where the other 5% went. Ms. Pillai, a freshman at Academy for Tech and Class, took a Geometry test last Friday for which she’d had a week to prepare. She thought that she had aced it but when she got the test back it she learned that she had only scored 95. “I made a couple of small mistakes,” said Ms. Pillai. “I guess I rushed … Continue reading

Child, 7, sets heart on marrying someone with at least 4 arms

November 28, 2022May 30, 2016

AUSTIN, Texas – Kiran Malhotra, 7, has decided to marry someone with at least 4 arms when they grow up. This decision was made after much deliberation last week. Kiran, a student at Clearview Sudbury School, was at Zilker Park with friends and family. After climbing some rocks and battling with Nerf guns, Kiran decided to relax at Barton Creek and make important decisions for the future. Decision #1 was going to Disney World after the new Star Wars park opens. Decision #2 was going to veterinary school to become a veterinarian (even though Ramesh Uncle seems to think becoming a human doctor instead of … Continue reading

Indian-American child smells cabbage soup for the first time, almost vomits

November 28, 2022May 30, 2016

BRIDGEPORT, CT – Abhimanyu Dutta, 10, is disgusted by the smell of cabbage soup. He learned this fact about himself when sent over to his next door neighbor’s house to borrow a cup of sugar. Late yesterday afternoon Nirupa Dutta, Abhimanyu’s mother, was in her 6th hour in the kitchen. She was about to start making a tomato chutney when she realized that they were out of sugar. She called out to Abhimanyu to run over to their neighbor’s and ask for a cup of sugar. Said Abhimanyu, “I was in my room drawing Batman when I heard my mom yell … Continue reading

Mini Comics

Fried Cheese Balls

The Rapper's Foot