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Study confirms: Desis abroad with Western names have it much easier

Study confirms: Desis abroad with Western names have it much easier

NEW DELHI, India – New research has revealed that desis abroad with Western names have it much, much easier. The joint research project was performed globally by the Institute of Social Sciences (India), the Economic and Social Research Council (UK) and the Social Science Research Council (USA). The study is titled Do Desis with Western Names Have It Easier Or What? “This research was deep and thorough,” said lead researcher Sankar Sen. “It confirmed what many of us had suspected: desis living abroad with Western names have it much, much easier than those with more traditional names. There was also a correlation that the longer the … Continue reading

India reconsiders #pornban, proposes blinding all citizens

India reconsiders #pornban, proposes blinding all citizens

NEW DELHI, India – As the one year anniversary of India’s failed pornban approaches, the government is again considering how to keep pornography from becoming a public nuisance. The latest proposal in this effort is to blind all Indian citizens with a hot poker. Says Subramanian Swamy (BJP), “Pornography turns people into sex maniacs. These people will do anything to have sex and neither our women nor our cows will be safe. So last week I was watching Raiders of the Lost Ark and the bar scene in Nepal came on. And I wondered Is he going to poke her eyes out? Then … Continue reading

Favorite grandson returns to India after 12 years, family wishes he had been a little bit taller

Favorite grandson returns to India after 12 years, family wishes he had been a little bit taller

KOLKATA, India – Sonu Mitra, 22, visited India for the first time in 12 years this week. While his family is happy he turned out fair skinned, they wish he was a little bit taller. Mr. Mitra traveled to Kolkata, India after spending a post-graduate summer in the Poconos. Earlier in the year he had graduated from Northwestern with a useless BA in Economics. Free from the burdens of compulsory education he felt it was time to re-connect with his family. Said Mr. Mitra,”I’d been in school for 16 years straight. And it was all required, including college because I would have been … Continue reading

Supreme Court rules Bobby Jindal not a Person of Indian Origin; Jindal agrees

Supreme Court rules Bobby Jindal not a Person of Indian Origin; Jindal sues to be designated ‘White’

NEW DELHI, India – The Supreme Court of India has ruled that Bobby Jindal is not and may not be referred to as a Person of Indian Origin (PIO). Mr. Jindal, a former Indian-American, filed a lawsuit in response. The origins of the case lie in a political controversy that erupted in 2015. A portrait of Mr. Jindal with fair colored skin was shared on the social network Twitter. This resulted in both internet memes and a vehement discussion on race & identity. The painting is not Mr. Jindal’s official portrait. It was painted by local artist Tommy Yow, Jr. … Continue reading

Comedian Russell Peters denied entrance to India for not being Indian enough

Comedian Russell Peters denied entrance to India for not being Indian enough

NEW DELHI, INDIA – Successful stand-up comedian Russell Peters was denied entrance to India for not being Indian enough. This was in strict pursuance of the Bureau of Immigration’s new policy on what makes someone Indian enough. Said the sponsor of the legislation, Vikram Lollipopwala (BJP), “We have had our eye on Mr. Peters for many years. Many people learn what it is to be Indian from him – but he has been spreading false truths. We decided that there should be strict standards on what makes someone Indian enough. And these standards will apply to anyone trying to enter … Continue reading

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